The intent of this blog is to provide a canvas – a space really, to explore all of those things that offer a salve for the soul. Sofie is my inspiration. Where she has been, what she has been through, where she is now and where she is headed. I think of Sofie with such tenderness. I long to maintain a place of safety for her so she can continue to heal and grow stronger, as she learns the boundaries of safety in her new world. Understanding who is safe and what is safe is a key aspect of her daily existence. Bracing herself for potential turmoil and danger is always intricately woven into every cell of her tiny frame. I imagine our lives running parallel to one another – hers in a short span mirroring my longer plight. It is not an accident that I was selected to provide her with a safe place to find her own inner strength. And in bringing her this peaceful environment, where she can truly run free without worry of unwelcome demands on her body or mind, I find myself learning from her. I, too, am finding a new strength to move one foot in front of the other. And in fact, I find myself looking to build a life of joy in a place that has been a bit murky this last decade. Waiting to die is no way to live. If I look honestly at my life these past twenty years or so it’s really been about passing the time, making it to the next morning. It has not been about thriving or reaching for the good stuff. It’s been primarily about existing and shielding myself from future pain. I see with Sofie that the tension she has within her exists also in me and it has for a very long time. And in this tension, I find myself tired… most days. It is exhausting to live in a place of mere survival. Something must change.
A Lullaby For Sofie 